Tools/Bultaco
Had a bit of a tool buying spree yesterday… It started with trying to find a spark plug boot for my new Bultaco. It ended up with… Well, I’ll let the pictures do the talking.
Seeking the Unknown
What's in the head of Brian Andrus?
Make yourself!
Sometimes it is as if I’m viewing my life from some other dimension. The days meld together like ice cubes on hot pavement. My mind plays tricks on me.
There are 4am days, 8pm days, life is so dynamic. But if you stop caring, it stops mattering. You stop feeling tired. Tired becomes a feeling equal to happiness. Depression doesn’t exist. It’s the same as apathy and anger and elation and hunger. It’s what keeps me alive.
But what happens when emotions become the same? You cease to appreciate them. Life is less memorable. You live for the moment and forget the past. Objects become worthless. And then you find the point where it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t matter.
But then, things start occurring that remind you of the life you’re living. Little sparks of focused energy light up your world. You begin living for them, and appreciating them.
It’s a little like rediscovering life and its pleasures.
Sometimes, being at the bottom is an opportunity, one to change yourself into the ultimate person you want to be. Build it in layers. Focus on something you want to change and change it. Find something else you want to change. Now do it. Sometimes you have to use another layer to tone down what you’ve just changed, but after a while, you’ll start shaping up for the better. It might take a lifetime to get there, but in the meantime, live so you know you’ll die with no regrets.
Growing into being
Remember the good old days? When life was simple, grass stains on your clothes, learning how to be a human being. I remember my parents telling me to change my behavior over and over again in situations that seem oh so elementary now.
How did I suddenly get good at the ability to keep the ball on the table in ping pong? Instead of feeling hopelessly lost at everyday tasks, in answering everyday questions, I often assume and I am usually correct. The most fascinating thing to see in myself is mental growth. I’m still scrawny as ever, but I’ve developed interests and reasoning skills, bargaining and human interaction abilities.
I believe high school was stunting my ability to learn the most important things in life. We are trained to learn in a certain fashion, we are taught that if we don’t know the answer, we can look in the back of the book. We are taught as a unit, not an individual. We are given the shotgun approach, and the ones who don’t make it are left to struggle.
The most important thing I’ve discovered since making the choice to leave school is my individuality. What it means to be an individual; no, it doesn’t mean you’re alone, as I often felt in school. It doesn’t mean you’re overly-special, or entitled to anything. I’m learning to be comfortable with who I am.
Be proud of who you are.
The Places I’ve Slept
I figured this deserved its own post after it sustained ten minutes of conversation with a cute girl. I’m sure I’ll think of more.
- Two foot snow bank, wrapped in a tarp
- Picnic Tables
- Encased in two inches of frozen rain and a soaked through sleeping bag
- Numerous concrete floors
- Desert (My favorite, you can see allll the stars on the right night)
- Bathroom floors
- Countless couches
- La-Z-Boys
- Lazy Girls
- Front seat of a CRX (I’m 6’4″)…
- In the shower
- Under railroad trestles
- Piles of blankets
- Dumpsters
- River banks (only to wake up next to a sign that warned not to feed the alligators)
- Sloped roofs
- On water towers
- Lounging in rafters
- With my dogs
- Denny’s booth
- and then the sidewalk once they kicked me out
- Parking garage
Most of that was with no pad or a deflated pad. None occured while intoxicated.
Let’s hear where you’ve slept.
My Inner-Musician’s Wish-List
Here are my impressions on some amazing looking devices that get my inner musician scheming. I start hearing music in my head and my toes start tapping.
Daft Punk & Tron
I’ve recently been listening to Daft Punk’s score for the upcoming Disney film, Tron: Legacy. Read on to listen and learn…
How I live my Life
Via Existentialist at WriteSomething:
The world is meaningless, there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose. All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well. Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.Do not try to “find yourself”, you must make yourself. Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it. Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other than that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, “This is who I make myself”.Do not give in to hope. Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which imbue it. Whatever you do, do it for its own sake. When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, “Fuck You!”. Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own. Live deliberately. You are free.
Updates
So I haven’t been writing here because I haven’t known anything whatsoever about what’s going to happen in my life. I’ve been called back to Southern California for a job interview. I’ve gone through one interview, and I’m waiting to hear about a second.
I feel as if my plans have been crushed. I don’t often put that much effort into planning something only to let it slip away, but Costa Rica simply cannot happen now. I’ve wasted my money getting here and living the expensive LA lifestyle. Oh well… part of being a “dynamic being” of course. Thanks to everyone who offered their advice on the trip.
I’ve fixed my other car and currently have it listed on Craigslist. Hopefully I’ll get the cash I need to start my journey very soon.
I have not had much luck tracking down my oil leak. After stripping out most of the engine tins and fuel injection components, the leak just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s now put back together and driveable.
A friend has been keeping me busy around his property, fixing up various Volkswagens (with Type 1 motors…), and I will be going to Oregon for a few days to visit family. Stay tuned…
Uh-oh…
Just got word that a pending car sale I had did not go through. I have to drive a few hundred miles and take care of repairing the car and try to resell it… My trip was dependent upon the cash from this… I’ll have to put it on hold for a week or two. My plans might be changing…
About Me
Recent entry
- 2011-05-09
- Tools/Bultaco
- 2010-11-29
- Make yourself!
- 2010-11-07
- Growing into being
- 2010-10-31
- The Places I’ve Slept
- 2010-10-30
- My Inner-Musician’s Wish-List